CHAPTER ONE…

Once a upon a time..there were this guy that is happily enjoying time with his new fren,new classmate..chit chatting about everything they been through because since it is new..everyone do not know each other so well..but beyond the sight of all this fren, the guy saw a gurl, standing beside a window that is double the height of her..she is wearing a pink jacket with blue jeans mini skirt..looking sad yet attractive..especially her silky hair tied up.. This guy is not any brave guy..but in sudden..he take the inisiative to walk up to the gurl..their both first conversation start from the guy.that was a very simple “hello” ..both of them have an unexpected conversation and both also gotten a very close..but it onli last for that moment..when the semester of the subjects..both gone to diff path of road..since the guy is from a engineering class and the gurl is a business student..they somehow taken a subject and the onli subject that is needed for both student..but after that..it is impossible to meet up..but fate play the game.. During the holiday..Maybe the guy inisiative does pay off..the gurl give a single message that is able to brighten the guy boring day..since his parents and family is off for vacation..when the message came..the excited guy cant even concentrate on his favourite online game at the cyber café..he is thinking how to let this conversation become longer..and become more interesting.he do not wanted the girl slip off just like that.. by that time I felt that moment ,……..

SHE CONQUERS ME……

support

some times it is not that i wan to lose to fate..but i cant fight with something i cant be able to hold..fate is something that change so fast that it happen just like that..but my fate is a bit special..beside going real fast..it actually repeat it too.. but no matter how i try to learn how fate goes..i just cant grap it at all..

i been having the experience over and over again..this feeling is really torturing and everytime it happen ..i will not be able to bare it and i will die once..it is true..my feeling and emotion will die just like that..i feel that i am not controling anyone,any situation and anytime..instead i am being control..deeply.. it makes me do not have to right to make any decision and choices..i do not have the power to control how people look at me..and also lack the ability to save myself..

asking what i need???i need to be myself..a cheerful,happy and confident..i wan a chance to control and to manipulate..to gain archievement..dignity and also my pride of being ...me..just me..asking what i need to change?? lifestyle..not being a nobody..but being somebody and is ONEbody..asking what i do not wish to have??negative emotion..jealousy..greediness and also vengence and hatred..emotion block my dream and create obstacle to who i really wan to be..

and lastly ..support from everyone..but it will be hardest thing to ever get..i wish i do have support...

sometimes human are really realistic especially when grown up..once we got mature we are supposingly start to think wider..the thing around u..event going on..and the most important ppl around u ..this is how i trust thats the way of how a human grow ..but reality do not happen that way ..when we grow older..we start to think all for ourself..and onli yourself..there is not anymore hero story ppl sacrificing themself for the sake for others..all this is bull shit now anymore..even now u go outside telling people that ur dear is in danger and u would sacrifice urself for him or her..people will say u are dumb ..saying u are imature and laugh at u ..but actually they shud say "yeah i will support u ,that is how u think for others.." i am not saying sacrifice mean die for others..it mean sacrifice time and energy for others..come to think of it..can u live alone??can u work out alone??if u just sacrifice time for others..ppl will sacrifice time for u too..then thing will be much easier in passing ur suffer life time..

being selfish is something that i will never agree for my lifetime..i do not take ppl for granted and i did my very best for them..of coz it do not mean u go and sacrifice for every stranger u ever met..but at least for someone that acknowledge u or u had acknowledge them..if u take them as someone in ur life.then dun take them as a toy..trying to ease ur boredem or as ur helping hand onli..it is so evil come to think of it..live for urself in a pure way and live with others is the onli right way to live..

not trying to pastor..dunno why feel like fucking everyone that oppose me..

dilemma

thng have been gone kind a struggle.i start to wonder what i really wan to have in my life and also what i wan to do as well..nowadays a lot incident kinda giving me a hint that my life should not be that way..i once thought that i am somebody that know what i am doing..but now..i do not have the confidence anymore to be sure for others and be sure for myself..

every action i did..every feeling i feel..am i the one that feeling i truly feel or maybe i am just being covered by ego and being covered by my arrogance..i wont be happy of what i did..it might be some action i wan to throw to others to make sure i am bein respected..but gaining respected in the other way destroy ur own life is something i dun think it as worthy action but still i will do it..i do not know why ..maybe i am blind in my heart..blind with greed,arrogance,anger and also vengence..

i want my life to back how it was..i really miss it very much..i do not like myself now that is always full with question marks and wondering..time by time..i know that i one day i could not stand it anymore..and i am confirm i will be regret if this kind of problem do not stop..

i hope i could save myself...