actually all this been a while..i do not expect people to know what i am thinking..even it bring lot of difficulties for me..i do not have companion to tell out what deep down in my heart has been store..and of coz increase the pressure and also emotional time where i feel like breaking down..
recently i start to feel that people intend to be selfish..and in another way around i feel being drag down by their selfishness and create more mentally trouble for me..but in order to keep my smile and cheerfulness..all this crap i will just pull it harder to bottom of my heart and lock it up..just the thing is i dunno when is time that my "store room" going to be fully occupied..even if it really burst out one day ..i guess i will be alone that time too..
my life is just a destiny followed ..i got parents that i really afraid of..with a responsible parents and also knowledgable sister and being the youngest member in this family..i got to follow the fate that is given..that make my disaster repeat and repeat withought limitation..it is not that i wan to ignore what they ready for me..it just that what they did is not wrong..but it just not my way..not the fate i want..not the destiny i hope for..
lets talk about fren now..all the while ...i got a major changing of close fren..i really get a little tired out..i mean all i wan is one and onli one to go through my hardship all the while..someone that i can trust..someone that i cannot lose..but still it is still unfortunate for me now..i used to be someone that always cheer ppl up..but deep down i really hope somebody will do that to me as well..make me look like a small kid and also shoulder to cry on..acting like a baby..ppl tend to say i am veru big ego...i guess lack of love make me become what i am now..stand strong for ppl and also myself..but is still something i wan ..i dun wan to be look high..i wan to be normal and pure individual..
if there is a chance i can be reborn i hope to change totally to another person..i mean being rebellion..daring to do something i like and also make my own world ..at this time changing is really too late to do it ...for me at least..i try and try and try..but it wont happen and i know it wil not for future..with my fate and also destiny holding and settle everything for me ...
u know..it really nice to blog at this time since no one starting to take care of my blog..so nobody will be able to read...even if they do ..u might get offended ..dun mean to offended anybody..i might be refering to anyone here..just dun do the perasan..if u really care me as a fren or a family please respect my think,blog and my action..for stranger..this is not a good blog for u serve through..if it happen this link is in ur favourite ..then delete it out..it dun mean that much for the blog to stay ...
no matter what i said..i dun mean to take my life as a low life and sad life..i just have to fix myself to cope with how it is..at least the world still remain an positive mind thinking for me ..to let me got desire to live on..i do not know what will happen in future..it will change or not..but i do get a few percentage of how it might be..but not all..so i dun need advice like life will be better..i am still a positive asshole k(i repeated twice)..
ok larh ..i guess thats all for today..my heart and eye are bigger now..to be able to see thing clearly and i finally got to taste the feeling of darkness that erupt all over me..but i believe there is still light within darkness..it just see i can be able to reach or not..if it do..i will cherish who i am more..but if i dun ...i will wish a good luck for myself..conclusion.....................i just wan to be a better man and average as well......
No comments:
Post a Comment