yo!! i am back

hey hey hey...the devil is back !!!hahah...sorry for those who read my blog(onli a few of them i guess :P) i am finally back to bloggging again!!!dun ask me why ..it is sad to think back..haih..lot of thing happen nowadays..it may be a bad experience or a lesson in life..wake up everyday in the morning i feel that i got a long hard way to go till tomoro..so i really hope night will reach where i can enjoy lying on my bed and when it is night..but i hope the night will remain forever because i udn need to face the another tomoro(dream on!!) haha..

i still remember once someone told me that a leo (i mean my birthday star) is someone that really need attention from lot of people..i always thought it is real because i always feel really bad when i am left alone..and being neglected..i thought it is not a good attidude to remain when i knew i got something like that..i rrefuse to change ..i refuse because i know i am born like that..god make me like that..my childhood make me like that..and that is how the fate want me to be..that is how i think during the period of my teenager life..so during that time..i try hard to make more fren(to look liek a boss) make myself look smart(to impress girl) make myself full of sense of humor(to make everyone around me to like me)...that is how my life keep on for a long long time..

life is totally a different way ..when i gone into college..with a deserted place like this..a class which consist only 7 ppl..it is really hard for me..i feel boring..it doesnt mean that they are no good..i agree with yee shuang saying that anyone cannot stay in a gang for a very long time..i used to have fun time with my new classmate for a month something..but when all the excitement over..and when i got to know them lot..i feel very blank..i dunno what to say to them when i meet them or in any event when i got to do something with them..so during this chaos time(chaos that seem so calm) i miss my old schoolmate..i remmeber the moment where i got to have fun around and different fren is all around the corner ..wow!!make me wanna tear liow (but i never...devil never cry marh )i look for them ..i ask them out..somehow i unno why ...the feeling is not what i expected..we seem so stranger to each other..maybe that is what happen when everyone got their own life in some place..so everytime i am back after having fun with them..i try to find the excitement but it just never appear..that is really sad ...

haha...reader please do not think i am going to jump off the building or not..well i certainly will n0t...haha(are u dissapointed??)i find for a way ..i find a new life..i knew i cant stick with my past anymore..i try to make myself used to being alone so i can fell much better..i try to make more friend within the college..and let myself none stop learning..voila!!!haha..i feel much happier..it does not mean that my past is a tragic..it just that a new situation need a new way of life..so in my situation..i am just happy i found the right way of living to suit my situation..peace!!!

i learn a lot recently ..something that beyond my imagination..i am really happy with it..i also learn to be independant when i am totally alone..i try to full used my time..so i wont be thinking bad thing and negative stuff..i am getting happier and happier..much more cheerful than ever..

now..when i am writing this post..i feel how stupid i am last time to refuse to change my bad..if ia m able to change now..why cant i change last time..i wasted a lot of time..i should not be that stubborn last time..or i will be better now..and lern more stuff than now a few hundred time..but i wont be sad a bout it..i will onli feel regret and laugh at my childishness..

but seriously...she is the reason i became like that..althought she never do anything(she dun even know i am that depress at time!!) she is still the main factor i am here to write this long post..i hope god will bless her and me..eventhough we got a hard time to show love toward each other(due to parental disagree) we still get to improve out realationship..so i know how strong our bond is ...no matter what..i am not going to break it .!!!i promise me..my beloved huey bing~~~