piss of it!

well it been very long since i blog..things even going so well..i mean i nvr expected it to be that way..i miscalculated..i used to be someone that calculate ..find solution to any problem i am into..but now..i give all of it through my feeling..i dunno why..i thought it will somehow make things better..this is what pupil tell me "dun calculate so much in some matter!!" but i guess that is me..or i should my life is this..without calculating i will be in deep trouble..i nvr believe in my instict or my feeling before..but now i give it a try..end up i am suffering here..when this thing continue..i am addicted toward it..no way i could stop toward feeling and calculate back..isnt it funny?? i am losing my rights nowadays..never able to do things i should do..and unable to voice out things i not agree with..i am feeling myself giving too much..and forgotten to ask back..i am not feeling really good..being a puppet in someone eye..being a joke to someone mouth..i am really piss of it!! but what can i do..i fallen to a deep underground where i cant reach for the lights..i did say before a phrase that no matter how deep u are in darkness..there is still light around the corner..YEAH i am searching it in every single corner..maybe it is not the right time..maybe it is in somewhere..i only afraid that it never existed..i am tired..unable to continue searching..only determination is not enough..my body and emotional is pulling me down..losing my focus..loosing my ability to do right and wrong..and i worry being broken down..piss of it and piss of it!